Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder: Archive

i can’t sleep. i work in less than six hours. and i started to go to bed. but then i got the text to call. and i’m scared. i try to be strong for him. but i can’t hold it in anymore. i’m scared. and i don’t know what to do. i don’t know what i can do. except pray and pray. and listen and listen some more. and i want to give it all to God. i know that’s...

Sep 16th

i realized a little bit ago just one more way i can see things changing. i’m home sick for the first time in six months. and you know what i hate most about it? i hate that i can’t go to my meetings and see my friends. and i hate that i’m missing work. and not just because my paycheck is going to be severely lacking next week. work is something normal people are supposed to do,...

Aug 5th

and, though they'll never disappear, the scars are...

Apr 19th

4 notes

rain

i really want to go walk in the rain right now. feel the rain hit me. let everything go. feel whatever i feel. maybe then i’d finally let myself really cry. i don’t know. but it’s raining right now. i love the rain. and i really want to go out in it.

Mar 24th

2 notes

Life is such a beautiful thing. I don’t know if it’s driving down the highway with my windows rolled down and the sun shining or what, but all I can think today is how amazing it is to be alive right now. It’s the simple things-seeing the sun and the moon, feeling the breeze, seeing a child’s smile-that make today so worth everything I’ve worked so hard for. I’m...

Mar 18th

7 notes

third time's a charm

one of my kids has been in the hospital for twelve days now. and since i found out a week ago, i have been trying to visit her every couple of days. when i went last sunday, she was asleep. she was asleep tuesday when i saw her too. so when i went yesterday, i fully expected to walk in and find her sleeping. but she was awake, though not in the best of moods. we played with the tiaras i brought...

Mar 13th

i really hate it when things refuse to go my way.

…especially when it’s happening four days in a row now.

Mar 7th

me time

i took a day off from worrying about everything, particularly my lack of job situation, today. and it felt so good. i don’t know the last time i just took time for me. i slept in (unintentionally) and then went to an amazing meeting. then i just hung out watching tv with a couple of my roommates all afternoon. and then i went out for coffee with one of my friends. it was so cool to just hang...

Mar 3rd

i think they call this self-pity.

i went to Catholic Charities again today, looking for more help and the job board. as i was sitting in the parking lot smoking another cigarette, i started to wonder when my life became such a mess. i know the drugs and alcohol quickened my downfall, but my life was a mess long before that. i used to be so sweet and innocent. everyone else came first. i had hopes and dreams. i was a good student...

Mar 1st

1 note

it’s so interesting to look at past posts. some of them predicted things that ended up happening. others make me realize just how far i’ve come. it’s great to feel okay today. well, that’s not completely true either. it really has been a pretty frickin good day so far. and i can’t wait for tonight. so i gotta feelin this is just one of those uppity days. yay!

Feb 27th

“You gave me your time, the most thoughtful gift of all.”

– (via happythings) (via madaboutbeans)

Feb 24th

240 notes

while i slept

I had the strangest dream last night. Actually, it was probably more of a nightmare. Anyway, I ended up back in rehab again in it. I also had three warrants out for my arrest. All of my roommates and home group members were there too, though I don’t think they were admitted. I was in detox for my entire stay. There was a girl named Viorella there, and she was passing me drugs while I was...

Feb 24th

i'm back.

ended up back at rehab, just over a month ago. wasn’t intending to go. only went up to see a friend graduate. planned on bein there a couple hours. ended up stayin for 23 days. back in an oxford house with five AMAZING roommates. no. seriously. they’re the best. last week was an emotional trainwreck. there’s somethin about learnin to feel again that absolutely sucks. but it’ll be worth it. my...

Feb 22nd

i seriously need a pair of ice skates to cross the parking lot to my car. rifreakingdiculous.

Jan 15th

“Therapy is about every kid’s nightmare. When people are telling you that you...”

– Alex Gaskarth (via achieving) (via inkstainedheart-)

Jan 15th

note to self: don't paint nails by light of...

Jan 15th

(207): I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it

(617): We call that spaghetti Os

Jan 15th

saturdaytragic: dumbleydore: omg my ex just texted me ‘Hay d0 u n0 any 1 t,at wants sum d0pe’ DOES ANYONE WANT SOME WEED? Shit yes, I’ll take two grams. Just send it by air mail, should be fine. right here.

Jan 15th

728 notes

(508): They were so slutty we had to play “rarely...

(via flickflickflicker)

Jan 15th

7 notes

Jan 15th

7 notes

and what if i'm too scared to go on without you?

Jan 15th

i really wish i could let myself cry right now.

Jan 15th