Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder

i can’t sleep. i work in less than six hours. and i started to go to bed. but then i got the text to call. and i’m scared. i try to be strong for him. but i can’t hold it in anymore. i’m scared. and i don’t know what to do. i don’t know what i can do. except pray and pray. and listen and listen some more. and i want to give it all to God. i know that’s what i need to do. but i’m scared. i don’t know if i’m ready to let him go. when i first found out about it a couple of months ago, i was ready. but, now i’m not so sure. now it’s reality. and now i have to face reality. and i need to do it sober. and i don’t know if i can do it. i know i can do it for this moment. but what happens when i have to leave for work or anything else for that matter? what happens when i have to leave the safety of this house? i don’t know how to deal with this. not without any of my vices. i’m scared. for him. for me. for all of us. God, I need you. Help me to be the family member You want me to be.